1000 Ways To Die Death Served Cold
by TotalDramaRox97
Summary: My next 1000 Ways to die


Date: June 21, 2003

Brownsville, Texas

Firefighters are our community heroes. They save millions of lives per year. However, a few are nothing more than slobs who couldn't care less about the job, meet Sal, a lazy fireman who made more smoke than he extinguished. David Stafford Firefighter: "Being a firefighter is much more than just a job, it's a duty. Every day firefighters put their live sin danger to save those who are in danger. The firefighters with no concern for the community do not deserve to be firefighters, because a major part of being a firefighter, is caring for others." Something you should know about Sal, he hasn't seen the doctor in, he never did and he has severe emphysema. It's a wonder he is still alive. Today, he takes a risk by smoking in the firetruck. It seems he's succeeding when, "Oh my god! I knew you were lying about having tuberculosis, our boss is so gonna hear about this" his coworker catches him in the act. "Come on, I can explain." (knocks fire extinguisher off holder) A disgruntled Sal starts trying to enjoy his last few minutes of his job when his emphysema kicks in. He has a coughing fit and falls butt first on the fire extinguisher which has a thin hose. The hose shoves its way through his clothes then up his ass, and in a final act of karma, he accidentally set of the trigger. (starts screaming) Kira Thomas Chemist: "When the trigger went off, the carbon dioxide was forced out under extreme pressure so it easily went to his colorectal area. Once there, it dried out the blood vessels and caused them to bleed. He died in minutes." By the time his worker came back, he was dead. "See, he's smoking on the job that's why he had emphysem-" (screams). Firefighters are supposed to be heroes and role models. Sal was only a role model to druggies. In the end, he went from supposed hero, to heart rate zero.

Way to Die #901

Foaming Of The Butt

Date: March 2, 2011

Glasgow, Scotland

Many people have strange addictions from hoarding, to drugs, to eating items that aren't even food related. Meet Steven, he has an addiction to working out. It all start when he was a child when he was overweight and was trying desperately to lose weight. It worked, a little too well. Steven is so addicted to working out that he has given up sleeping entirely and not only that, he harasses people who aren't fit as him regardless of age, youth, or even handicaps. Ferna Romero Therapist: "With the exceptions of drugs and smoking, most addictions are harmless as long as you keep them under control, in this case, he wishes to avenge his childhood obesity with trying to be very fit. That normally isn't a problem unless you overdo it, then it's dangerous." Steven is out for his hourly 3 mile jog. He is at the bottom of a hill when (hay bale rolls on top of him) he gets in a prickly situation. Up on top of the hill, a narcoleptic farmer was baling hay, when he fell asleep and sent his ton of hay tumbling down a hill. Carl Jackson Cowboy: "Some farmers use a relatively new way of baling hay by making them into giant, 6 foot wheels. It's not smart to do it near a hill, because these weigh about 1500-2000 pounds and if it rolls over someone it can crush their chest and they would asphyxiate in minutes." The pressure crushed his chest and he was dead within a few minutes. Nothing makes a person the most superior person in the world. If this guy would have known that earlier he wouldn't have ended up rolling into his grave.

Way to Die #162

Harvest Doom

Coming up, see the balloon that wouldn't pop and the human statue who became a statue

Date: October 21, 2011

Jersey City, New Jersey

Uh oh, what do we have here. A guy on his death chair. Let's back up to this morning. Ethan is an neurosurgeon at a brand new hospital. Ethan seems like a model employee, attentive, hard working, focused, and quick thinking. One problem, Ethan is a sleep pill addict. Not only does he steal pills from his hospital, he steal patients prescriptions when they aren't looking. Craig Smith Pharmacist: "Unfortunately it is becoming very common for people to get a lot of pills with multiple prescriptions. Worst part is, it's perfectly legal , it's like being a legal crack addict." His co-workers have become suspicious. Finally, his boss finds out, when he takes a risk by stealing a detective's wife's prescription. "You're fired, an if you don't get out in the next 45 seconds, I'll have you arrested." He isn't going empty handed, he steals a blood pressure monitor. (12 hours later) After his hourly dose of sleeping meds he decides to play with his new machine. When he turns it, his a new medication finally takes hold, karma. He passes out, but what is that noise. It seems the monitor won't stop. Turns out, someone knew he stole it. A worker told her boss, but he didn't care, why? "He can keep it, it was broken anyways, it's trash now." It wouldn't stop constricting his arm. Naomi Eshkan Physician: "While very useful, blood pressure monitors need to be checked, because if there is even one problem, there could be a malfunction like over inflating the balloon inside. If it gets tight enough, it can restrict the blood vessels and eventually blood flow itself and he would die." Ethan was a thieving drug addict who was stupid enough to use drugs right before using machinery. Nighty night, you rat.

Way to Die #286

Dead-ation

Date: April 12, 1996

"Do you take Mr. Lloyd Harrison to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "I do." Uh oh, looks like someone just made a huge mistake. Lloyd is a nice guy and successful business worker. But he's also the neighborhood drunk, let's hope she finds that later. It's the reception and everyone is having a good time, Lloyd is having too good a time. He is becoming drunk and his new wife is beginning to notice. "Excuse me, can you please come out to the balcony with me?" Great job, leave that dirtbag in the dust. "You are embarrassing me and yourself, now don't come back until you are sober." "You are lucky to have me, now you don't tell me what to do." "That's it we're through, live the rest of your life your drunk self for all I care." Lloyd is extremely mad and wants to tackle her off the balcony. He goes in, she goes out, and Lloyd, goes down. Daniel Henderson Physicist: "Momentum is comprised of two factors, mass and velocity. This man jumped so he gained more velocity by gravity and his forward momentum pulled him over. His mass was more over the balcony than behind it, so gravity pulled him down, and he would fall and hit his head dying of bleeding in only seconds." Lloyd was a drunk womanizer, his wife was smart enough to find out. Even though they broke up, he still ended up, falling for her.

Way To Die #841

Black Window

Date: September 29, 2009

Houston Texas

Carpentry is a serious business that involves a keen eye, brute strength, and hard work, unless your this guy. Thomas, or as his friends call him, Ethanol, was only in it for the money to feed off his alcohol addiction. Gerry Robertson Carpenter: "The one thing I hate, is when carpenter's only sit around and only work when the boss is checking. Those guys are getting paid for our work." It's time for the boss's hourly check. As usual, Ethanol starts working his butt off with a sander. His boss is impressed as usual. Ethanol continues sanding the same area until his boss leaves. "Seriously, when will the boss catch Ethanol not working and drinking." As Thomas is about to go back, he loses his footing and falls backwards. He loses control of thew sander and the sander hits his head, knocking him unconscious almost instantly. What happens can only be described as, from bad to worse. The sander lands on his chest and the sanders intense speed and rough surface starts tearing through his chest. Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan Physical Medication and Rehab: "Sanders are made to wear down just about anything. So when this sander landed on this man's chest, it tore apart the skin, and then started going through the chest plate. Eventually, it would reach the heart and lungs and start ripping them apart ans the victim would die of exsanguination and asphyxiation because of the sander ripping apart the alveoli." Ethanol was a lazy bum who couldn't work a nail gun even with supervision. In the end, he ended up, dead as a doornail.

Way to Die #830

Death Is Like A Balancing Act

Coming up, meet the karate teacher who couldn't beat two students, and this woman thought he job was to die for

Date: November 11, 2005

Toronto, Canada

Here at this karate school, these kids aren't that good no matter how hard they try, no thanks to this sensei, Sensei Horace. He was only in the job to get back at the people who stopped him from bullying them with their karate by making sure no one else could do well. Cory Sensei: "Karate is not to be used for hostile reasons, it is for defense when you are being attacked. If a sensei is purposely trying to make his students bad fighters, he's putting them at danger which could get them arrested." Time for Sensei Horace's favorite harassment method. He filled these punching bags water sacs with molten lead. He tells the kids if they can't knock the bag over, then they aren't trying hard enough. To make it harder, he leans against the bag. What he doesn't know, is that his students are catching on to what his true intentions are and their adrenaline. His first student does a flying side kick into the bag and knocks the wind out of Horace. The next student goes up, kicks the bag, and (Sensei Horace is knocked against the wall and falls over) he goes from cold blooded to cold to the touch. When his first student kicked the bag he knocked Horace off balance. Daniel Henderson Physicist: "Momentum moves through still objects as well and since this man wasn't braced for impact, the momentum threw him off balance." Then his next student lands his most powerful kick ever. So hard, that it knocks sensei Horace into the wall. Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan Physical Medication and Rehab: When this man banged his head against the wall, the force of impact knocked his brain against his skull causing a hemorrhage, and he died in under a minute. Grudges shouldn't be held especially from childhood to adulthood. Sensei Horace learned that too late and went from blacking out to the white light.

Way to Die #601

Karateeeeeee

Date: September 1, 2002

San Francisco, California

There are many jobs throughout the world, some professional, some inconvenient, but none are as crazy as Jasmine's, she is a human statue. Evicted from her house a year ago, she lives in a tent near where she works. Peter Human Statue: Being a human statue isn't easy, you have to be able to resist anything that anyone does to you to avoid moving." Jasmine has a secret to her job, illegal paralysis drugs she got off the streets. Every day, she injects herself with these drugs to keep her still all day. It's dusk and Jasmine is about to stop working (Jasmine collapses and has a seizure). So much for being a statue. She had recently increased her dosage of paralysis drugs. Jennifer Hsu Hematologist: "Paralysis drugs are very dangerous. If a person stays in one position too long blood clots begin to form and moving can be what releases the clots and they can go to the lung stopping all vital functions dying in seconds." No one was helping Jasmine, because everyone who passed by thought, she was either really bad at her job, or a drug addict and was worried if they got help she'd attack. Jasmine was desperate and stupid enough to use paralysis drugs to help her second rate career. They eventually took their toll on her and she became frozen like a statue, to frozen like a corpse.

Way to Die #728

Clot Busted


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